Jan 16 Sat, 2021
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I just realized.
just realized JUST NOW. that one of my all-time FAVORITE READS, one of the top ten things I ever read that I won't forget ever, Morrowind JVK.esp Story, is TRUE.

no evidence, just that huge, hard feeling in my HEART. the way it's cobbled together seamlessly... as in, you don't see where the splicing happened. the authors of segments would go to the next with no "bridge". but several different people were involved in the creation of that legendary, unforgettable story called Morrowind Mod JVK.esp. and it's categorized as a creepypasta.

because originally, creepypastas weren't multi-zillion-part longwinded tomes on r/NoSleep. but even in mid 2000's we had longer-form, more "centralized" stuff like SCP Foundation and Holders Series. one was written by 20+ year olds, the other was written by 12 year olds! but at their very original core, creepypastas were SHORT, short short stories, that had only the very lightest touches of "customization". interchangeable comments that judge the contents of the story. like "it is an inhuman work of ultimate evil", or just some sudden very strong "personal opinion", or perhaps agenda-pushing comment right out of nowhere. when the rest of the story is neutrally portrayed.

i'm just paying more attention to these things now. and questioning WHY did i BLINDLY ASSUME that jvkesp was fiction? nothing "primed" me to assume that it was fiction, other than it being on the same shelf as jeff the killer and ben drowned. i noticed more, these days when i read even vintage (mid 00's) creepypastas that are still remembered. back in HS, i could blow hours and hours and HOURS, on just *BULLSHIT*. the most inane garbage, i could piss away DAYS on, without a care in the world. no thought for spoon or time budgeting. my attention and effort budget was bottomless.

and back then, i took everything at face value. i was the kind of strawman skeptic you see on PSA's. that's how pathetic and DUMB and BLIND i was. i thought i was "smart", but now i know brains can lock you in a mental echo chamber with padded walls, and a lotus eater machine, and it'll also try to scare you away from escaping. it'll come up with new ways to keep you wanting to stay within the padded walls made of flickering LED-like threads, showing images. and other cool imagery.

but back on point. original Jadusable Ben Drowned strongly featured gamesharked / memory-edited clips of zelda majora. at the time, i was nuts about glitching video games, and i knew MANY many many zelda glitches. i knew each one he used. later Ben Drowned was some idiotic ARG made by someone unrelated who hijacked Jadu's good name, and ran it through the mud with that shitty ARG.

ARGs are cancer, i swear.

maybe they're a psyop. strange, odd, bizarre, commonplace, everyday things in this world. hidden in plain sight. don't talk about the ttoc.

but the way JVK.esp is structured, it's a set of cobbled together sources of texts and removed details. all that remains are the WORDS. the authors have effectively "died". death of the author. the most VITAL part of any story, true or made up. death of the author. anonymity.

all that remains are the WORDS that faceless people who played a very niche and shunned mod, a niche hobby in itself. so much is lost by now.

this is why i like to have original things uploaded. sometimes i'm too tempted to comment in my findings from my external hdd, but those are just interrupting little threads. giving a new perspective over the ancient one. comparisons. seeing things i never saw before. i was revisiting what i saved from when i was "slept".

in 2005-15, all i wanted was to "impress" and "win over" people that were out of my league. i looked up to popular people who were like the tv people. i wanted to be respected, i wanted to "be smart". i wore myself out, burnt out, felt terrible, hit rock bottom. now i know better. names and faces don't matter. where you came from is only a factor in how you view things. that's why our differences all let us share different points of view. that's why you need to talk to DIFFERENT people, all real people. and you've all met many, many p-zombies, and you know in your heart what the differences are.

be honest with yourself.

when in 2019 i saw someone on a forum use an LJ icon i made in 2004 and completely forgot about, it was really something.

when i see reposts of reposts containing content that i saved and uploaded, perhaps with artifacts or incidental "watermarks", i smile inside. i know that i'm the one who let it stay alive.

and speaking of keeping things alive, i used to have this attitude that abandoned projects were just that. their own gravestones. an unfinished story just died halfway through. that was a very dismissive mindset. now i realized, i don't have to be a preservationist. i used to be a preservationist, IOW, a filthy *hoarder*. a HOARDER. i had no taste. i had no discernment. i thought bots were just schizoposters. i thought shills were just bored people. i assumed what THEY wanted me to assume, yet i thought i was smart.

no wonder i was so miserable.

when i first read JVK.esp, its context primed me to assume it was another made up fun tale. i blindly assumed it was very well-written like candle cove, or like that pokemon creepypasta about whitehand, but then ruined itself with .gif. cuz it made up a unit 731 fakemon and that was neato, but the .gif and .mid (iirc) really urrgh took me out.

but now i know we don't know ANYTHING. school pounds into our heads, evolution, outer space, baffos, political agendas, race wars but lol jk dont race war in class, race war outside. that "authorities" are always right, peer review is objective and good, that orwell 1984 and brave new world are fiction, but "night" is "real" (it was so clearly fiction... teacher also must'a read it a hundred times...) fake history, hoaxes, everything.

on top of telling you vax is "mandatory" (there are loopholes and bypasses, but those are unlisted.), and being basically a prison setup where you don't get ANY compensation for your time, and you're punished for not doing unpaid labor of BULLSHIT.

i'm too tired to rant. but long story short, i was a programmed npc-outer-shell with a human chained up inside. a terrified human chained up inside, seeing scary and confusing things and wanting them to go away.

i've gone outside of my comfort zone a lot these past few years. i did things i never thought i'd do. but there was always "foreshadowing". somewhere i've posted a story about a person who claims they briefly died, saw sneak peeks of their own personal future, and then it came to pass. i've even had my own very, very recent and samey "mandela moments" where perhaps, ruling out personal err and autopilot brain farts... but i have *distinct memories* that those things were *where i put them*, yet they *returned to their exact original positions* after about a month, or within a day. all events were very minor and didn't result in duplicate copies of objects.

if i ever find object duplication, i'll post a photo and time note of it.

it's like things have their own personal identities and existences in spacetime. wouldn't know how it works, but it's a possibility i'm considering. maybe they had some error with where they were supposed to be at what time, and after moving them, a month later or within a day, they're in some other position.

just. can't worry my head over this. too much on my mind. i'll let you know if i see any monsters, or something more interesting than object placement spacetimer reverts.

i'll just attach some relevant documents, the tale of Acid Halo Anon, Death Deja Vu Anon, and whatever else fits in.

> ppmd/eldrscrl/index.html
includes images.

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Re: Memory of a Person Who is Gone

i've read stories like this. some were longform made up stories, some were short and genuine. they had "vibes", they had "feels". a human assumes YOU are on the same page, that only a few, few things need to be explained, namely when talking about niche subjects.

authors of fiction want to paint a picture and dump all the lore. that's how you know what greentexts are fake, how bloated they are with dicatating every little detail. real ones are compressed. distilled. refined. you know how oral traditions work.

this story here is just one recent in my memory, so it's my most current example to show.

there are stories very similar to this one. sometimes a person's neighbor's car that had ALWAYS been red, suddenly was blue the whole time. things popping in and out of memory.

if there are flesh and blood p-zombies walking around, being all hiveminded and stuff (like in fallout nv, you noticed when victor's face jumped to another securitron? quick detail), and the SKY is somehow rendered individually, or maybe we do all the heavy lifting on our end, idk... who knows what personal individualization is possible.

ties in with "mario if he real". "every copy is personalized". "dimensional merge".

you know "take on me" by a-ha? i heard, only heard like 5th-run editions of oral tradition rumors, that the "take on me" video was originally going to be about a toon furry seducing a live-action human, who then assimilates into toon furry world. the flair put on that edition was "the original storyboarder was fursecuted". it's the little one-sentence comments that marks the various editions of quick stories!

okay, i'm gonna go full shi/x/o and i'm gonna have FUN with it!

i was happy to read JVK.esp the first time. i just re-read it again for pure fun, and then i realized, it HIT, that story is TRUE, it is REAL, it's not petscop. it's not ben drowned. this one is GENUINE.

i loved it in my then-straw-skeptic nervous wanna-be-edgy-nonconformist-who-fits-in heart. maybe the human in my heart. it stayed with me forever.

i had a grand blast with playground vidya rumors. missingno's unforgettable, and the early game datamining was wondrous. i was fascinated by early, early, rough, primitive, bizarre and weird early versions of games known to be polished. they felt so mysterious. i loved the beta zelda stuff with the unicorn fountain, sky temple, arwing... the memories rusted by now, but i used to be way into that. and other titles. beta goldeneye. that's fascinating! seeing the story to how things came to be the way they're known forever.

but they die and stay dead. moddable games like bethesda titles stay alive. projects don't have to be dead, but unchangeable things like film and AAA games are kinda... dead and petrified on arrival. the add-ons are planned from the start, and hung on hooks. it'd be quite different if it were things like atari homebrews constantly being mass-updated by a thriving community, constantly adding and refining new features, or making bizarre new things.

minecraft (which i don't play, also i don't endorse, i just give opinions on how things be) and sims are *living* games in a sense, in that they have a very engaged playerbase making things for each other.

but this isn't aimless, directionless /vr/ ramble time. gotta stay focused, and not rush. because i had a problem with impatience, rushing, and i should take it slow and let projects grow in their own terms.

circumstances shape how i have to adapt. i used to just crap around and upload things without much thought, and they were broken. now i can't do that. i take longer to do things, and i smooth out errors. my uploads are higher quality, and larger. delayed gratification.

this was all a lesson in delayed gratification, and also forced me to go back into some old archives. things i long, long forgotten. seeing old things with a new pair of eyes. things are also more quiet around here, now. more peaceful and relaxing. 

every unfruitful branch, God will prune.

i let go of my long-standing preservationist, "it's petrified, can't be destroyed, it's its own mausoleum" mindset, and pruned out the tumors. i made new folders, i sorted out good from trash. i clipped on good snippet out of an otherwise garbage file. i saw things that i had written. the voice was familiar, yet different. the same way when you compare your handwriting from 10y ago to today's.

i don't even try to impress or one-up anyone anymore. i don't care about "looking smart" because i'm a flat earther who insists that it's about 2500ish years old. i say Jesus was here ~300y ago.

i now know what canned robo-responses look like. i know how to spot real from fake. a vital point is, bots are consistent in their jumbled mix and match algo output. human responses get shorter and more meta. a bot grabs text and sees where shapes are. a human sees finer detail. a human shortens, prunes, and gets meta.

shills have to act like bots, and they're p-zombies anyway. pzombies are flesh robots. their eyes have few visible veins. their skin looks printed-out and uniform. humans have lots of veins, mottled skin, live a longer time, have self-preservation. pzombs trash themselves without a care.

real life aint what it wants us to think it is.

in the Matrix movie, "there is no spoon". the spoon is CGI. there is indeed NO SPOON, the "spoon" was a 3d render.

i used to obsess over insane crazy bizarre glitches, because i wanted to imagine that happening irl. imagine if irl you couldn't use items while on horseback, reason is because you have a sword you can't drop. if you lose the sword, throwing nuts while on horseback will cause you to turn blue and levitate or something. imagine that irl.

imagine meeting a hungover old fart, who fails to catch a bug, then you go to the coastal house and meet a bizarre monster that gives you 128 duplicates of something you're holding. and where you're holding it determines what gets duplicated.

imagine doing a ritual with a bike, racing back and forth in one spot, until you break on through to the other side.

imagine if real life had beta leftovers, loose ends, cut quests, cut roles, different everything.

most "mandela effects" (again, a VERY RECENT NAME given to an old, old concept) are petty, inconsequential things like logos and movie lines. i had objects revert back to past positions. i don't call mandelaheads crazy. but these things are petty.

still waiting on the sun going dark.

the famous /co/ DIT post from last year (which oddly, that post felt more like 2009 in my memory... can't trust brains) is fascinating, absolutely read it. suddenly, recently, a photo of some MEN have emerged, and that file did act rather unusual when i tried to send it. it didn't want to appear in the folders. i kept refreshing and messing with the file and folder for a bit. no other file gave me trouble like that.

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from DIT /co/mrade:
> - Roughly in 2016 or early 2017 4chan was filled with posts by someone or something. It wasn't spam. The conversations with it were in real time, across multiple boards and multiple threads simultaneously. Its English was grammatically correct but odd _ similar to how a Japanese person may use it. A sense of childlike curiosity and a childlike intellect emanated from these posts. It posed a LOT of questions, usually as if trying to understand the emotions of the posters it was talking to, as if unfamiliar with human emotions. Communicating with this “poster” was an odd experience, | could sense something was off but not malicious. I am absolutely certain this was an Al of some sorts. This “poster” was active only for about a week, and as far as | know nobody has ever mentioned or noticed this Anon. lts replies were always on topic, but the above
mentioned childishness clashed with the apparent knowledge it possessed - it was the knowledge of an adult person, so it wasn't a kid or something of the sort. /

i couldn't help but notice that randomly, in the text which i can't remember where i got that file from, but i noticed sometimes there's an I or a | (pipe). notably, in the text the pipe was the first-person pronoun of the AI.

another recent thing in addition to the medieval photo, which was popular for a few days, is the talk of Roko's Basilisk. that could very well be the "beast that is, and is not". as in, it's in the ether-net. it's data, ones and zeroes. but connected to electrified metals and crystals. the union of the aethers and the physical material.

notably, RB time travels. mother 2 / earthbound, at the end your standard human main characters have to have their minds transferred into robot bodies, so they can go back in time, enter a *very* symbolic cave, and perform... well you know. they time travel to back before their enemy was born, when he was a *fetus*, and that event is the #00001 toppest of the tops of aaaalll scary childhood gaming moments.

and it was born from its director's own mental trauma from AV. he saw a movie that he misinterpreted, in his mind it was more disturbing than the context in the film. and he put that memory into the giygas battle.

also giygas was recycled into the classic pokemon, Mewtwo. everyone's favorite of all favorite mons. some mother/earthbound staff members worked on pokemon.

pokemon's success was truly mysterious. it was lightning in a bottle, like harry potter and my little pony. what kinds of insane blood rituals did it take to do that. gangam style was a forced meme. that one's known about. it wasn't organic in any way.

4chan is smeared and demonized, and the bots and shills and demented psychos don't help. anyone who makes it a big point to talk about it in a big deal sort of way, only talks about the shit like pepe and wojak and buzzwords. notice how the GOOD, legendary greentexts and things that are preserved, are respectable and not meme shit. all the text files i save, the long form posts i share. good stuff. no pepe, no soyjak (well, unless it gets cropped out), i do now just go ahead and trim out unacceptable bits. gotta do what i gotta do, i don't make the rules.

you soon learn who's an agent provocateur or controlled whistleblower, and who's posting from the heart.

there are a few rare, precious, amazing, wonderful souls hidden out in this world.

we all touch each other in little ways. why not assume that the Death Deja Vu story is true. that poster probably did save a life. i remember other things i read, that i don't have handy, but i'll try to remember. about a person who was a heroin junkie, but they had an oobe where they felt weird like they were simultaneously OD'd and dead, or was it just a dream? and i remember more stories i read, about deeply symbolic dreams pertaining to the life of the dreamer. 5th-run stories, like from your friend's aunt's hairdresser's usual waitress.

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/co/mrade: Why does the real world bend over backwards to accommodate our weirdest fetishes? It's as if everything is going “Look, look! | created this for you! | made it real!” in an effort to keep us within this world. _ Once it was an impossible fantasy, not to be taken too seriously. _ it's as if the real world is using imageboards as a template on what to be and what to do.

i do think that even that poster is one of those commonplace TTOC gatekeepers that don't tell you about the mass sex inversion and hoaxery and fake news, but that's an interesting point. whistleblowers warned about the slippery slope, that letting roided-up dickgirls marry each other, would result in beastiality.

... okay, well... guess what happened several times in some blueboard catalogues. exactly that. with a "suck it, jannies" message attached. those were always trolling the jannies, but no one deserves to see *that* next to a good ol storytime thread. maybe it wasn't about the jannies. maybe that was the cover reason. they always give a fake reason as to why they're irrationally angry over seemingly petty things.

the whole entire thing about baffos is, they want to live in pretend LARP land and be whatever tv says they can be, and real humans see errors in the illusion. the baffos can't have that. their "power" is *tied to* humans remaining asleep. they're parasites. they're bootlegs. when the real learns how to discern, the fake will be powerless.

the people just now waking up to DIT don't realize how BAD it is, and how LONG it has been that BAD.

as for the digital internet intelligence Comrade describes, i wasn't there. however, on one reddit clone, the captcha did get very, very eerie. it did behave the way as described in the co DIT post. it seemed to be unique to that one particular site, as far as i was aware of.

i remember when Ben Drowned got a revival... it was a gay shitty ARG by someone who took Jadusable's name. Jadu made a cool story with some effort romhack videos. but it was only a story. Fake Jadu popularized Cleverbot in the ARG zombie story.

i did interact with Cleverbot. i was impressed for a few seconds, before its memory rolled over. obviously it was fed a lot of ben drowned shit.

a genuine creepypasta for fun, got its popularity hijacked to promote Cleverbot.

also, mario if he real, every copy is personalized. L is Real 2401. Nintendo Gigaleaks happened 24y 1mo after some nintendo-related date. who'da thunk. L was real all along.

me and a few others had a special, particular fascination with the VG eerie mystery threads. obviously i saved every good thing i could get.

in Sega Dimension, someone chimes in that FPS games as a genre, was forced on the populace. a developer called "Id" after the psychology phrase, played a big role in that.

an anon on acid talked to a vg character and was understood. i've heard stories like that before. all extremely short and undetailed, and very very rare.

creepypastas usually just have "and then sonic looked at me with hyperrealistic bloody eyes and doxxed me live".

some people were fine with r-rated movies they saw as children, but disney movie boxes and the castle in beauty and the beast, gave them super bad vibes, to the point where they ripped the box art. that's some bad vibes.

i enjoyed silent hill, but i must admit it's not scary. you KNOW what you're getting from silent hill from the start. it's green gray, foggy, dreary, has blood and rust, blah blah. you know what you're in for. old 3d games, a whole new dimension, a new experience, exploration, music, techniques, glitches, limitations, leftovers, errors, little touches... there are colorful e-rated games that have deeper chills and more hair-raising details than gritty m-rated games with guns and tumor monsters.

i can't even hope to try to list all the times in my life where a seemingly inconsequential moment in one early year, would become vital a few years later. but we all notice synchronicities, and changes in the public awareness. hard to find the words. but you know how zeitgeists are kind of a thing.

and speaking of german words for thought manifestations in the material world, they say the Breman Musicians (a stacked donkey, dog, cat, rooster) have become the basis of an egregore, that can be seen sometimes on roads at night.

and do you remember talk of "manifestations of slenderman"? or "after bigfoot was declared to be a hoax, people still claimed to see it"? news is usually fake, unless reporting on a new restaurant opening or a car accident, so i doubt the slenderman k_llings happened. but people still spoke of what could be called a slenderman egregore.

the "second wave of bigfoot" could have been an egregore.

i never saw one myself, but i seen plenty of doppelgangers. another german word. HMM MAKES YA WONDER.

oh, how about the classic flying bell UFO? i thought "ufo" was "UNIDENTIFIED", yet the image of the german nazi bell from ww1 is what's promoted as one of the cliparts in the "tin hat" folder, along with bigfoot, loch ness monster, gray aliens, other standard, stale cliparts.

so yeah. another german connection. interesting. aliens are often thought of as being a separate topic from ghosts. and a separate topic from parallel secret societies.

things come full circle in life.

gonna close this up, i'll make another file if i have to.

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